Today, I turn fifty. That’s fifty years, or 600 months, or 18,250 days, or however you wish to calculate it. I still remember the surprise birthday party my wife threw for me when I hit the big three-O (that’s 10,950 days). I’m scratching my head and wondering how twenty years have passed, since it feels like it happened five minutes ago.
Alas, they have passed, and I am staring that half-century
mark in the face. Some get depressed at the thought that their life is, in all
likelihood, more than half over. Others celebrate that they’ve made it far
enough to start getting those AARP discounts.
1. FROM MY FATHER:
YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO TRY SOMETHING NEW -
AND THERE'S NO SUCH WORD AS CAN'T
My father passed away this past May after battling a long illness. Even toward the end of his life, when his physical ability had
declined dramatically, he had not given up hope of making a full recovery. For
my father, everything was possible – the word “can’t” didn’t exist.
How many times have you heard someone say that, as much as
they’d like to take on that new goal, it’s too late. They’re too old. Life has
passed them by. When my father was well into his forties, he took up piano for
the very first time, and continued to play throughout the rest of his life.
When he was around sixty, he took up a new career, learning new material and new
skills, and working for the next twenty-three years. When my father was in his
seventies, he started learning Talmud, even though he had never done that
before in his life.
Whatever your age, you’re not too old. You want to start
something new, expand your horizons, take on something you’ve never done
before? Stop making excuses. Just do it.
2. FROM MY MOTHER:
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO, IT'S HOW YOU DO IT
As a kid, I did what most kids do. I dreamed about what I
was going to be when I grew up (whether we ever “grow up” is a different
issue). One week I aspired to be an astronaut, the next week a doctor, the
following week a waiter. And on and on.
No matter my chosen profession of the week, my mother would
say, “You can do whatever you want – as long as it’s honest.”
Too many people didn’t get that memo. We’ve all read the
stories of the rich and famous splashed across the headlines and the police
blotters because they decided to do whatever they wanted even (or especially)
when it wasn’t honest.
Success in life is not about getting the prestigious job
title or the top award or the fancy car. Success is about how you go
about your life – your integrity, how you treat people, the choices you make
when no one is looking.
3. FROM MY GRANDMOTHER:
YOU'RE NOT OLD, SO STOP HANGING AROUND WITH OLD PEOPLE!
Years ago, my father asked my grandmother why she didn’t
play cards and socialize with the other people her age who had set up shop in
her apartment lobby. My grandmother responded, “Why would I want to spend my
time with a bunch of old people?” She was well into her eighties at the time.
My grandmother was not referring to their chronological age.
For she was also fond of saying that age doesn’t refer to a number, but to your
mindset. To her, the people in her apartment lobby weren’t her age. They may
have been born around the same time, but the similarities ended there. They sat
around playing cards while discussing their medical ailments. She walked five
miles every day.
If you want to stay young, then act young, no matter what
your birth certificate says.
4. FROM MY DAUGHTER:
1999 IS ANCIENT HISTORY
A few months ago, my wife and I were searching for a new
recipe. We pulled out a cookbook we occasionally use called “Best Recipes of
1999.” (You get extra points if you can guess in which year that book was
published).
My 12-year old daughter looked at the title, and exclaimed
in near-horror, “1999? That’s so long ago! Why would anyone have a book all the
way from 1999?”
My wife and I, in our amusement, tried to explain to our
daughter that 1999 isn’t exactly ancient history. But to her, we might as well
have pulled out a book called “Best Recipes of the Dark Ages.”
To my daughter, 1999 is forever ago and we are fossils. To
the pre-schoolers she worked with this year as a volunteer project, my daughter
is old. To a ninety-year old, John Kennedy’s presidency wasn’t so long ago.
It’s all relative. No matter what your age, someone sees you
as old – and someone likely sees you as young. So just forget about what
everyone else thinks about your age, and live your life in the here and now.
Because what everyone else thinks is irrelevant.
5. FROM BOB DYLAN:
THE TIMES THEY ARE A'CHANGIN' -
BUT YOU DECIDE HOW THEY CHANGE
Admittedly, Bob Dylan doesn’t hold the same place in my
heart as the previous four. I was never much of a fan, and my feelings haven’t
changed over time. Still, I did learn something that has stayed with me all
these years.
Back in middle school, a poster hung slightly askew in the guidance
counselor’s office stuck precariously to the wall with scotch tape. It
contained a famous Bob Dylan quote – “He not busy being born is busy dying.”
As a young teen, I took the quote super-literally, and
complained that good old Bob was way too pessimistic – if once you’re born,
you’re in the long, slow process of moving toward ultimate death, and that’s
all there is to it, then what’s the point.
The guidance counselor explained (quite patiently, I might
add) that the quote contained a deeper meaning – one that is obvious now. At
any given moment in your life, you either are “being born” – growing, reaching,
striving – or if you’re not, then you’re shrinking, declining, dying. There is
no middle ground, no standing still.
For me, that’s what it means to turn fifty. Growing older
for too many people is about being able to do less than you could yesterday.
While we can’t fight gravity indefinitely, we need to think in terms of
constantly “being born,” constantly expanding who we are from the day before.
I am running five marathons this year precisely because it’s
something I could never have imagined doing when I turned thirty. And when I
turn fifty-one, it will be time to set a new goal that seemed out of reach at
fifty.
That’s how I plan to stay young.
That’s how I plan to stay young.
_________________________
I am running these five marathons for the amazing children and adults at the Israel Sport Center for the Disabled. We have set a goal of $5,000. Every donation of any amount makes a difference. Click here if you want to help us get to the finish line!
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